And He said, "A certain man had two sons; and the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of the estate that falls to me.’ And he divided his wealth between them. And not many days later, the younger son gathered everything together and went on a journey into a distant country, and there he squandered his estate with loose living. Now when he had spent everything, a severe famine occurred in that country, and he began to be in need. And he went and attached himself to one of the citizens of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he was longing to fill his stomach with the pods that the swine were eating, and no one was giving anything to him. But when he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have more than enough bread, but I am dying here with hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired men.’ And he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him, and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this son of mine was dead, and has come to life again; he was lost, and has been found.’ And they began to be merry. Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things might be. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he became angry, and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began entreating him. But he answered and said to his father, ‘Look! For so many years I have been serving you, and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a kid, that I might be merry with my friends; but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with harlots, you killed the fattened calf for him.’ And he said to him, ‘My child, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to be merry and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.’" (Luke 15:11-32)
There are some today who would like to make the Bible gender neutral. They would like to remove all the references God as Father. God, in their edited version, would become our divine parent instead of our heavenly Father.
Do you think that it an accident that God has been revealed to us as Father? Is it because of the patriarchal society that existed in the times in which the Bible was written that male imagery was used? Could it be that God actually wants to be known as Father?
There is no doubt in my mind that He does. To think that God would deny the truth of who He is to accommodate the thinking of a culture is to accuse God of duplicity. To assign the reason God is known as Father to the mistaken assumptions of the biblical writers is to deny the total inspiration of the Scriptures. No, God intentionally revealed Himself as Father because He is Father. Father reveals something of His nature and character, something He wants us to understand.
We live in an age where fatherhood has been depreciated. There is no doubt that the traditional understanding of the family is under constant attack. From the homosexuals and lesbians who advocate same sex marriages, to the widespread acceptance of unwed motherhood as normal, we have seen the traditional family take severe and heavy shelling. The radical feminists would have us believe that the real problem with society is men. To them the idea of a traditional family headed by a father is a setback for women and for society. Robert Griswold, associate professor of history and women’s studies at the University of Oklahoma, says in his book Fatherhood in America: A History, "There is a debate in society today over father’s roles. Fatherhood has lost its cultural coherence. It’s no longer clear what we want, what we expect from fathers."
Into this culture God as Father still speaks. He declares the vital importance of being a father and honoring fatherhood.
One of my greatest regrets in life is that my own father died before I really got to know him well as an adult child. I was only nineteen when he died. As I was becoming an adult myself, I was beginning to appreciate him more and more. Sure, he had his faults, but he loved me, had stayed with my mom, and had tried to raise me right. And while I wish I had known him better and longer, I am thankful to have known him as long as I did. You see, having a father is better than having none at all.
And today we are seeing the disappearing dad. Time magazine featured a cover story on fatherhood in its June 28, 1993 issue. In that story it documented the changing shape of what we call family life. It reported that fathers used to occupy a greater place in the home and that "well into the 18th century, childrearing manuals in America were generally addressed to fathers, not mothers. But as the industrialization began to separate home and work, fathers could not be in both places at once. Family life in the 19th century was defined by what historians call the feminization of the domestic sphere and the marginalization of the father as a parent." The article makes some other sobering points. "Rising divorce rates and out-of-wedlock births mean that more than 40% of all children born between 1970 and 1984 are likely to spend much of their childhood living in single parent homes." And the impact of these fatherless homes on the children is significant if not devastating. Time goes on to say, "Studies of young criminals have found that more than 70% of all juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes. Children from broken families are nearly twice as likely as those in two-parent families to drop out of high school." I repeat, having a father is better than having none.
Unfortunately, some have bad memories of their relationship with their father. Perhaps their father was abusive or overly harsh or unloving. That’s so tragic. Because I’m convinced that as a result of those memories they have trouble relating to their heavenly Father.
You see, fathers have tremendous power over the lives of their children. I’m not talking here about the physical power which they exert in the home, but about the emotional and psychological power that comes from the position of father. Like it or not, we are shaped by our fathers more than we think. I am far more like my father than I thought I would ever be. My father made an impact on my life. Your father probably did as well. There is something within us that makes us want to please our father. And we need to feel his approval on our lives. Fathers provide certain needed characteristics in the home without which children do not receive the balance and emotional strength for future years. God certainly knew what He was doing when He created fatherhood.
We see in our text a biblical example of our heavenly father and what we earthly fathers should be like. At first glance you will recognize this as the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Indeed, it is a story about a son’s backsliding and repentance, but it is also a story about a father’s compassion.
What I want us to do is to look at this story, not through the eyes of the backsliding son, but through the eyes of the father. Perhaps we will see ourselves, or at least experience some of the emotions common to parents, fathers especially. And perhaps we will learn something, not only about our role as fathers, but about our heavenly father as well.
You see, all of us can identify with the prodigal son who went his merry way without regard for the responsibilities of life or the feelings of others. We have all done that a time or two. But think of how this father felt. He had brought this son into the world, nurtured him, taught him to work, shared his life with him, and now the boy was ready to throw it all away for the sake of a good time.
One thing that is true, or should be, about all parents is that they do care about the future of their children. We all want our children to succeed and make something of themselves. Mothers tend to place more emphasis on the be happy and fathers on the be successful, but both want the best for their children. So how do we feel when they exhibit a careless disregard for what is right and good?
Bill Cosby, in his book Fatherhood says, "Poets have said the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality; and I must admit I did ask God to give me a son because I wanted someone to carry on the family name. Well, God did just that and I now confess that there have been times when I’ve told my son not to reveal who He is. ‘You make us a name,’ I’ve said. ‘ Just don’t tell anybody who you are.’"
The truth is that when our children go wrong it hurts. It makes us fill up with all kinds of feelings. Feelings of hurt, frustration, disappointment, sadness, confusion, worry, and anger. Indeed, it just makes us plain mad! What’s the matter with them? Why did they do that? What were they thinking? How could they show such blatant disregard for all we have taught them? Who do they think they are? On and on the litany goes.
So we conclude that we need to show them who is boss and that there are consequences for their actions. And this is entirely appropriate, indeed, essential at a certain stage of life. When children are young and in the formative stages of life, we must help them to connect negative and hurtful consequences with inappropriate and wrong actions. Children need that. I cannot tell you the times I have witnessed the method of childrearing which says that all you need to do is just reason with little "Johnny." The result is that little Johnny becomes a terror — a child totally out of control with little or no respect for the authority of his parents or any other authority. There goes little Johnny running around the church throwing hymn books as he goes, and his mom or dad say, "Now little Johnny, that’s not nice, don’t do that." Little Johnny pauses for only a moment and resumes his behavior. After several more attempts by the parents to reason with little Johnny, they either give up or try to give him a "time out" to which he responds by a temper tantrum. What he’s really learning is rebellion, and at some point he is going to have to come face to face with punishment or he will never learn that actions have consequences.
Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (NIV) Why? Because disciple teaches consequences. It is best to learn consequences through those who love you most than to learn them when you are out in the world through those who couldn’t care less about you.
Our heavenly Father disciplines us, as well. But there is another aspect of His character revealed in this passage which is often neglected by many fathers.
I’m sure the father in this story felt all of the emotions we feel when his son took his share of the inheritance and squandered it on wild living. There is no doubt that he was hurt and angry and sad. How would you feel? That is probably how he felt.
And what did he do? Well, the first thing he did was to let his son go his own way. After all, he wasn’t a child anymore. He had grown in years if not in wisdom. And there are times when we must do the same. Another thing he did was not to reach out to his son and bail him out of the jam he got into. If more parents would let the consequences of wrong decisions come home to their children, more children would come home to what is right. That is what happened to the prodigal. The Bible says, that after he had hit bottom, "he came to his senses." He probably never would have if his dad had kept wiring him money via Near Eastern Union. Often we must hit bottom before we realize the error of our ways.
When he realized how stupid he had been, he repented of his actions and decided to go home. He was willing to pay the price for his foolishness and become like a hired servant in his father’s house. After all, they were doing better than he was. He headed home.
What kind of reception did he receive? Well, let me tell the story of his return as Jesus didn’t tell it.
"And when the son was a long way off, his father’s house cam into view, but he didn’t see his father anywhere. Actually, his father saw him coming through an upstairs window and thought to himself, ‘I wonder what he thinks he is doing coming back here?’ When the son arrived his father called down from the second story window and said, ‘So you’ve spent all your money and you think we are going to take you back?’ The son replied, ‘Father I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ The father replied, ‘Don’t you know that you have done a stupid thing. You have embarrassed me and your mother. People are talking about what you have done and saying that we are not good parents. You have made us look bad to our friends. But, I’ve considered the fact that you are my son and I’ve decided to give you a second chance. I’m going to accept you back into the family on six months probation. If you don’t mess up in any way in the next six months, then we’ll forget about this episode. Of course, during that time I will be reminding you of your stupidity and of how mush you have hurt us by doing what you did. But come on in. You’ve got six months to prove yourself."
That, tragically sounds like what happens in many families today. But that is not what happened here. Instead, the father saw him coming and ran to meet him, throwing his arms around him and forgiving him. Instead of throwing everything up in his face, the father threw a celebration because his son was lost, and has been found.
The challenge for us as fathers is to be there for our children, with discipline and with mercy. By our love we must show our children the love of God. We must model the compassion of the Father in heaven while we live as fathers on earth. We must not abdicate our role as the spiritual leader of the home, but rather stand tall in integrity and bend low in extending our experience hand to one who is seeking to find his or her way.
Fatherhood is a unique calling which cannot be replaced in our culture. Let us never apologize for it. Let us never allow it to be scoffed at, made fun of, belittled, or depreciated. May we reflect the eternal Father’s nature and pass that image on to those lives God has entrusted to our care.