Posted January 10, 1999
"FORGIVENESS"
Ephesians 4:32
If you have your Bibles with you, please turn with me to Eph. chapter 4 verse 32. We are going to talk today on the theme of Forgiveness. As we start this new year, this new ministry, we have need to have a new beginning with some people.
How many of you have trouble forgiving other people? Let me see your hands. Be honest. How many of you have trouble forgiving yourself? Let me see your hands. How many of you are alive? Let me see your hands. Some of you won't vote for anything.
Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to forgive your enemies after you get even? Have you ever noticed that?
The story is told of a blind man who was crossing the street with a leader dog, & right in the middle of the street the leader dog laid down. And the blind man could hear the traffic coming & knew his life was in danger & he said, "Get up dog! Get up, I'm going to get killed out here." The dog just laid there. Didn't budge. A man who was on the curb saw the plight of the blind man & came over & helped both the blind man & the dog get to the next curb. When they got over there the blind man started fumbling in his pocket for a cookie. The good samaritan said to the blind man, "You're not going to forgive that dog for the way he failed you, are you?"
He said, "No, but I do have to located his head before I can kick his behind." So if someone is trying to give you a cookie, watch out. Forgiveness. How many of you forgive like that? Than I want you to listen to this sermon today, because forgiveness is one of the most powerful themes in the Word of God & you'll not survive, emotionally, spiritually, or any other way, until you learn how to forgive. Read with me please, Eph. 4:32. (Read)
See that central clause. "Forgiving one another". Say that with me, "Forgiving one another".
Let's pray. Father, thank You for Your Word today & thank you for everyone that's come to hear it & let this message today bless their hearts & change their lives as they come to know that forgiveness is not soft hearted foolishness. It is the most brilliant concept, straight from the throne of God to give us a happy and exciting life. In Jesus name we pray. And all of God's children said, Praise the Lord.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness in the Word of God is a full pardon from the pain & penalty of sin. Forgiveness is a fresh start. Forgiveness is another chance. Forgiveness is a new beginning. Forgiveness is the cancelling of a debt. In the Word of God, forgiveness means all of those things.
How many of you have every fail & needed a new beginning? Let me see your hands. How many of you have failed 3 times in the same day over the same thing? Let me see your hands. I've done that myself. There are days that I go home & I'd say, "Lord, if I were You, I'd fire me". Ever have that feeling?
Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment & the handcuffs of hatred. Forgiveness is a supernatural power that breaks the chains of bitterness & brings peace to the tormented mind. Forgiveness is not soft hearted foolishness. Forgiveness is the first step toward mental health & spiritual survival.
One night the phone rang at my home. It was quite late. And I heard crying on the other end of the phone before I heard the voice. And when I heard the voice I recognized it as a man in convulsive sobs. I recognized the voice as that of a dear friend & parishioner. And he told me that his wife of 15 years was asking for a divorce. There had been no quarreling, there had not ever been a dispute. There was no warning. There was no hint.
Like lightning out of a clear blue sky, "I want a divorce." Now for those of you who have a very tranquil marriage & its always been happy. You have a difficult time trying to picture how that can be. But I want to assure you that it happens every day. By her own confession, when I talked to her, he had been a loyal husband. He had supported her & the family very well. There were 3 beautiful children that were the love of his life.
His wife had just informed him that she had been having an affair at the office for some months. And that she could no longer pretend. And now those words stabbed him thru the heart. That she wanted to leave him forever. She said, "I love this man & he loves me. Of course I want the children, we'll be married as soon as possible, & move to another state.
It happened! Just like that. She filed for divorce on grounds of Irreconcilable differences, that's generally legal terminology for adultery, the court gave her the children, a very handsome child settlement, she moved out of state, remarried & he went home to an empty house full of memories. On the wall were the places where the pictures of his children use to hang. He went to the empty closest, where the clothes of his children use to be. There's a rag doll under the bed that his daughter had forgotten. There was a toy gun in the back yard that one of his sons had forgotten. There was a forgotten football that the other boy had forgotten. His house was filled with all of these haunting sounds of silence & his emotions vacillated from that of depression to that of rage.
One day his world was secure. One day he was happy & filled with the beauty of life. And the next day he experienced rejection & bitterness & haunting memories.
He said to me over the phone, "Pastor, all that I have worked for, all that I have dreamed about for 15 years is destroyed. My life is wasted. If I could walk to the calendar & rip this day off the calendar, I'd have a perfect life. I don't deserve this. I've done my best, I've been loyal, I've provided & now for no reason, other than the lust she has for another man---my life is ruined."
His emotional nightmare affected his job performance. His friends began to withdraw from him, because his speech was nothing but a litney of remorse and pain. After several weeks of this continual rehearsing of this pain & bitterness, he came to my office & we both knew what he was going to talk about one more time.
He sobbed thru the gory details of his tragedy one more time. He opened the door for healing for his own self when he asked the question, "PASTOR, WHAT CAN I DO TO END THIS MISERY?" His emotional heart had been ripped in half & he said, "What can I do to stop this mental torment? What can I do to sleep at
night? What can I do?
I said, "For your emotional & spiritual survival you must do something that you never even slightly considered." And he looked at me with rage in his eyes & he said, "What's that?" And I said, "You need to totally forgive your wife." And he said, "I don't feel like it." He said, "I don't feel like forgiving her or that scum bucket that she ran off with." Now I've cleaned up what he said to get it down into that short sanitary phrase. Because this sermon is only 30 minutes long.
And I said, "Forgiveness is not an emotion, it is first an act of your will." Then God's peace which you so desperately need will come later. If you don't forgive her you are going to live in an emotional hell for the rest of your life. She is going to be your master, she is going to be your tormentor.
You are going to live in a prison & she is the warden & she has the key & the only way you are going to get out is FORGIVENESS. Forgiveness is the key that opens the door.
For one hour he sobbed his way to real forgiveness. He was free when that hour was over. He was healed. He was ready for a new beginning. He was ready for a fresh start. Why? Because forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment. It is the key that breaks the handcuffs of hatred. He had the courage to forgive & the courage to start over.
And brother, let me tell you something, when you have been genuinely hurt, when you have been genuinely rejected, it takes real courage to genuinely forgive. Forgiveness is not soft hearted foolishness. It is the first step toward your spiritual & emotional survival.
Many of you here have been hurt. You are suffering right now from a rejection in your past. You are suffering right now with some type of family dispute or a bitter business deal that went down soar. Or circumstances that are a litany that are endless. Where thinks have just not gone right. And in the theatre of your mind you constantly rehearse it. In the theatre of your mind you relive those loveless days. You relive those heart breaking phrases that were spoken. You relive those bitter moments & bitter words that were spoken in anger. You relive the tragic scenes over & over & over & over, in your mind it never stops.
You laugh, but your laughter is empty. You smile, but behind the smile you are crying. You search for relief in the magic formulas given to you by your druggist. You search for relief in the magic formulas given to you by the distillery, but there is no relief. Now after all of this you have no peace & you are still tormented.
What is the answer? You're not going to have peace. You're not going to have joy. You're not going to experience love. You're not going to have good sleep one night until you go to the cross & genuinely, totally forgive that person who hurt you.
THAT'S THE ANSWER! Total forgiveness. Forgiveness is not optional. After years of searching, you'll find no peace. Forgiveness is not optional. Say that with me. Forgiveness is not optional.
Jesus said "if you cannot forgive others, God cannot forgive you". Here's the verse, "If you forgive them their trespasses, you Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you forgive men not their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses."
Luke 6:37, "Forgive & you shall be forgiven". Say that with me, "Forgive & you shall be forgiven."
And Paul wrote, "Be ye kind, one to another, forgiving one another" Repeat that, "Forgiving one another, --- forgiving one another, even as God for Christ sake forgave you."
Let me ask you this. If God is perfect. And God who never knew sin. And God who never ever committed a sin can instantly & totally forgive you. I want to ask you with all of your faults & failures & squirrelly ways --- why can't you forgive other people? I'll tell you why. You don't want to. Some people say, "Well, I just can't forgive them for what they done to me." That's not true. You don't want to forgive them. When you don't forgive them you feel like you have them hostage. I want you to understand something. They could care less what you think. The only one tormented is you. Not them.
Forgiveness is not optional. God has forgiven you. And Jesus says, "If you want My forgiveness, you forgive other people. And if you don't, forgiveness for your trespasses is not a possibility."
The only way you are going to make it is to forgive on a regular basis. There are 62 words for forgiveness in the N.T. And 22 times it means forgiving other people. And without that there is no forgiveness for ourselves, not ever.
If you will not forgive another person, God CANNOT forgive you.
Let me tell you, one day you will need forgiveness. If not you, then your child or some other member of your family. Don't you ever forget it, sooner or later you are going to need God's forgiveness & man's forgiveness.
I ministered in a church years ago that was dominated by a loveless woman. She cataloged every fault. She was the self anointed general manager of the universe. Do you know what I mean? She was cold and callous and a vicious gossip. She had a telephone ministry that defied AT & T ability to transmit. I called her a religious Nazi. No ones transgressions ever escaped her self-righteous, all seeing eyes & she cataloged it & spread it to the 4 winds.
Then came the day in her life that she thought would never come. Her only child, & 18 year-old daughter--a beautiful daughter--an unmarried daughter came home & said, "I'm pregnant".
You know humanity loves to devour people who hold themselves out as perfect. The news spread like wild fire. Exactly what the mother had done to others, began to return to her in spades. There was no stopping it. She & her daughter were CRUSHED in a loveless landslide that they had created themselves. And the answer, BOTH OF THEM COMMITTED SUICIDE. That was the end of their lives. Because they could not forgive other people---in the day of their crisis they received no forgiveness & it crushed them.
Forgiveness is not soft hearted foolishness. Forgiveness is God's brilliant plan to heal you, heart, soul, mind and body.
When was the last time someone really hurt you. Right now I want you to take a walk down memory lane, to that someone, that some place, in your past were you are rejected in such a fashion that you still remember it. The fact that you remember it is living proof that it is not gone & not forgiven.
Did you leave home as a young person saying, "I'll never be like my father." "I'll never be like my mother." You left home bitter & to this day you remain bitter because you feel like they rejected you, they spurned you & did not give you their best. I want you to know that you'll never be free, until you forgive them.
Are there people in your past that you would like to smash their face with your fist? (hit hand with fist) Does that make you feel good, way down deep inside in the theatre of your mind, you would like to "POW" (hit hand with fist)?
You rehearse how you would publicly embarrass them. How that you could hurt them. How that you could get even. You have a revenge motive. But I want to tell you something, you are never going to be spiritually well, until you forgive them. Never. Never.
Until you forgive that person, that person controls you. I want you to think about this. The person that you resent the most---controls you. They control your emotions. They control how you sleep at night. They control your relationship with other people---because all you do is rehearse how you feel about them. You are hurting you. You are the loser. They probably could care less. They may not even know that you hurt. And the only way you are going to have peace is to forgive.
Let me ask you a hard question. And this is something you never heard in all of your life. SHALL I FORGIVE AND FORGET? Ask that to a 100 Christians and a 100 Christians will say yes. Forgive and forget. I'll tell you NO WAY! Don't even think about it. NO. You say, "What. That flies in the face of everything I've been taught." Then you need to read the Word of God again.
While I was at Woodville a beautiful teenage girl came into my office, 19 years old, & said, "Pastor, my father raped me when I was 13 years old. How am I going to forget that?" GOOD QUESTION.
You don't give some cute little religious slogan that's on your wall. You've got to give her an answer that works. And I said "Don't forget". She said, "What did you say?" I said, "Don't forget." I said, Matthew 18 says, "If there is ought between you & another person, you go to that person face to face & you get it straightened out & if it is not reconciled then you go & get someone else and if they don't reconcile then," then I said, "You treat them like a tax collector. Like a publican. And you have no idea how the Jews hated the publicans, because the publicans worked for Rome & they set their own tax rate & they were nothing but thieves, with a license to steal.
I said, "Don't forget it." I said, "You go home & you get your mother & your brothers & your sisters & you set them down in the living room & you point your long little bony finger in your daddy's face & say, 'you raped me." You pull the cover back off the stench of his sin & you expose it to everybody that is there.
YES, give up the urge to shoot him. YES, because it would be a waste of good gun powder to shoot him, that's one reason. Another reason is that you would go to jail & that hurts you. YES, give up the urge to hurt him. But don't forget what has been done until it has been cleansed, because the God that we serve is in the cleansing business, He is not in the white wash business.
Listen to what I am telling you, because some day you are going to need to use it. How can you say that? I can say it because God's Word teaches it.
I want you to listen to this. To forgive without demanding change is to make the grace of God an accomplice to evil. I want to say that again so that you get it. To forgive without demanding change is to make the grace of God an accomplice to evil.
The forgiveness that Christ teaches in the Bible demands a change in conduct. The Pharisees caught the woman in the act of adultery. Makes you wonder where they were to catch her, doesn't it? They were preachers, what were they doing there? They caught her in the act & they brought her to Jesus. And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn thee, (say it with me) go & sin no more." Say it with me, "...Go & sin no more." What's He asking her---change. Yes, I'll forgive you---change. If you don't change something 7 times this bad is going to happen to you.
Some says, "Will you forgive me for my lying?" Yes I will, but if you don't quit, I'm going to start treating you like a tax collector. I'm going to have a mental graveyard service for you, & you are going to cease to exist.
Will you forgive me for my homosexuality---yes, change. And if you don't change---our relationship is over.
Forgiveness without demanding change creates a license to sin. And that kind of forgiveness is not found in the Word of God. Jesus didn't teach it, Paul didn't teach it--but we as a church have taught it for the last 100 years because it covers up the shortcomings of our life, it covers up the wrong doing that we do & with religious terminology we can cover the stench of sin & make our shoddy lives appear acceptable.
Nothing is ever settled until it is settled right, & it is not settled until you receive forgiveness from the cross. Forgiveness is not earned. Say that with me. Forgiveness is not earned. Religious people are forever trying to earn God's forgiveness. They know they have sin in their lives & they do ridiculous things trying to earn forgiveness.
You can give your last dime to Mother Terrisa, & have your body burned & a tribute to God & He'll reject the ashes. Because you're not forgiven of anything until you go to the cross & ask for the blood of Jesus Christ to forgive you, that God for Christ sake, for what He did at the cross, has forgiven you. Nothing else will ever forgive you.
You are not forgiven when you are sorry for sin. Every body is sorry for sin when they get caught. You see, you are not forgiven when you do good things, you are forgiven because Jesus went to the cross & He died for you & you & you & you. Everyone of us. Paul wrote in 1 Cor. 1:14, "We have forgiveness thru His blood."
In closing, these are 5 symptoms that you are suffering from an unforgiving spirit.
1.) You can't stand to be around certain people.
2.) You want to strike out at people when certain subjects are discussed.
3.) You lose your temper over very small & unimportant things.
4.) You struggle with guilt over things that have happened in the past between you & others.
5.) You become angry, quickly & immediately with those that you love, when you should love them the best.
I want you to understand, forgiveness is not soft hearted foolishness, it is the first step that you will take where God can heal you, heart, soul, mind & body.
Can we stand. Will you please bow your head in the presence of the Holy Spirit, while piano is playing---I want you to close your eyes & do something just a little bit different than maybe you do in our normal service. I want you to let the Holy Spirit right now bring to you the name & the face of that person that you resent the most. Now don't be religious & evade reality, even as I speak. Maybe you can go back unto your child hood to a moment in time where someone hurt you, cast you aside, mother, father, friend, whoever they were, they filled you with such resentment that you never have forgotten it. Maybe it was someone in business, maybe it is someone in the Body of Christ.
But as the Holy Spirit parades you thru the corridors of your memory, there's a face & there's a name & there's resentment there. Who is it? The only way you are ever going to be free is to give the gift of forgiveness to yourself. When that person is in your mind, would you raise your hand right where you are. In this sanctuary, when that person is in your mind, would you raise your hand high please---God bless you.....Be honest now.
Those of you who have your hands up, without any other word I want you to move swiftly down the aisle and meet me right here & we are going to have a prayer & today we are going to take the key of forgiveness & we are going to place it in the door of resentment & God's going to release you from the handcuffs of hatred. Come. I am waiting. Do not hesitate. Break with the past and have a new beginning. Do it just now. Would you do that? Come & stand here. Let the Lord today in a special way minister to you.
Some of you have raise your hand & you are hanging onto that seat. That seat can't solve your problem. I can't solve your problem---Jesus can.
Now pray this prayer with me--Lord Jesus Christ, I ask you to forgive me of all of my sins & I ask You to cleanse me from all unrighteousness, & I have come today, to experience forgiveness, first I forgive those that have transgressed against me, but specifically today, the person I need to forgive is--now you name them. And the thing I need to forgive them, that has hurt me, is this, now you name it, & right now Lord Jesus I ask you to release me from all of that bitterness & from all that resentment, & from all of those negative feelings.
I insert the key of forgiveness in the handcuffs of hatred, I insert the key of forgiveness in the prison door of resentment, & I open the door, I open the door in Jesus name. And I'm walking out---I'm free from that person....I'm free from that situation.....& I'm now being set free by His grace.
Praise God
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