"ON KNOWING WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR KIDS"
Luke 11:1-13
Posted July 16, 1999
Preached August 2, 1992, evening service
First Baptist Church, Garrett, Indiana
A small boy, sitting on his grandfather's knee, noticed that Grandpa had a red mark on each side of his nose.
After looking for some time, he asked, "What gave you those red marks on your nose?"
"Glasses," was the reply.
After further reflection, the little boy asked, "Glasses of what?"
Children can keep us off balance, can't they? One mother, writing about her toddler, was mystified that a child who can swallow 3 bottle caps and a paper clip can choke on a mouthful of mashed potatoes. It doesn't seem possible, but it's part of the mystery of being a parent.
Maybe that is why one cynic said there are some children who should be applauded with just one hand.
It's difficult being a parent. A recent government study found 88% of adults believe it is harder to be a parent today than in the past. "What was painfully clear," says commission chairman Sen. John D. Rockefeller, "was that families are really trying, but it's increasingly hard for them to make ends meet and spend time with their children."
According to this study,
. 87% of parents have financial difficulties.
. 81% say they don't spend enough time with kids.
. 33% say kids receive less love, care and attention than
they did 10 years ago.
It's even more difficult in the increasing number of single parent homes. Not only are the financial burdens heavier, but according to this same study, "20% of children from single parent homes had not seen their father in 5 years." It's tough.
Even in the best of homes raising children is a challenge. Even if the marriage is intact. Even if finances are not a major concern. Even if parents have time to spend with their children, it's tough.
FOR ONE THING, THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN PROVIDING FOR A CHILD AND SPOILING IT.
Anyone relate to that? There is a fine line between providing for and spoiling--and it doesn't just relate to toys. How tough or how tender should we be with kids? Does anyone have an answer for that one?
A burst of thunder sent a 3-year old flying into her parent's bedroom. "Mommy, I'm scared," she said.
The mother, half-awake and half-unconscious, replied, "Go back to your room. God will be there with you."
The small figure stood in the unlit doorway for a moment and then said softly, "Mommy, I'll sleep here with Daddy and you go in there and sleep with God."
It's tough the first night we make a child sleep alone in her own room. To hear her crying herself to sleep, to ignore her plea for another drink of water, to turn over and go back to sleep when you know she is frightened and lonesome is difficult. Yet you know for the child's own good this is a transition she must make. She cannot stay an infant forever. There is a fine line between providing for a child's needs and spoiling that child.
THERE IS ALSO A FINE LINE BETWEEN GENUINELY ASSISTING YOUR CHILD AND PREVENTING THAT CHILD FROM LEARNING TO TAKE ON RESPONSIBILITY.
Anybody disagree with that? We know that learning a sense of responsibility is one of the essential tasks of childhood. But again, that's hard.
A little first grader appeared to be greatly upset when he came to the principal's office and asked if he might use the telephone to call his mother.
"Is there something wrong?" the principal asked. "Can I help you?"
"Well," the little fellow said, "yesterday I forgot my sweater and left it here at school. This morning my mother told me not to come home without it. I can't find it anywhere, and I want to call her on the phone and ask her where she wants me to go." Poor tyke, but also poor Mom. Trying to teach him how to keep up with his things. To be responsible for himself.
There is an interesting difference between Japanese and American parents at this point. Ezra and Suzanne Vogel observe that Japanese parents encourage their children to be dependent. It is part of their culture to rely heavily on others for emotional support and decisions about their lives. For example, the Japanese firm is highly paternalistic and takes a great deal of responsibility for making the employee secure and comfortable.
Thus, the dedicated Japanese mother encourages her child to feel dependent. The Vogels observe, however, that just as the American mother has always complained about the success of her efforts and felt that her children were too independent, so the Japanese mother tends to feel that her children are too dependent, despite the fact that she has trained them this way.
Again, there is that fine line between dependence and independence. Between freedom and responsibility. How much should I do for my child? How much should he or she do for himself or herself? Sometimes parents rob their children of developing a sense of responsibility because it is easier to go ahead and perform a task for them than it is to get them to do it themselves. It is easier to give in than it is to set firm guidelines.
I don't want to seem judgmental, but my guess is that in today's world there are more problem parents than problem kids. Did you see in St. Louis this year where they had to cancel the annual city-wide Easter egg hunt, because parents were getting out of hand? If you don't believe that can happen, visit any Little League ballpark.
It's hard, but we can sympathize. Where do you draw the line in teaching a child responsibility, to take up for themselves, to be independent, yet to care for others? We need the wisdom of Solomon for such tasks.
FINALLY, THERE IS THE PLACE OF ADVERSITY IN OUR CHILDREN'S LIVES.
None of us wants to see our child get hurt. We want to protect our children. We don't like to see them fall down and bruise their knees. We don't like for them to have to receive hurtful remarks from other children. We would do almost anything to keep them from experiencing pain. We're like the father of professional football great, Sid Luckman.
Luckman was the star quarterback for the greatest football team of the 1930s and '40s, the Chicago Bears. His father was an immigrant tailor in Brooklyn and rarely got to see his son play football. But one Sunday the Bears were in New York to play the Giants at the Polo Grounds, and Luckman arranged for his parents to have seats on the 50-yard line.
For most of the first quarter, things went smoothly. Luckman was passing crisply and the running game was working well. But then on one play, the Bears' pass protection broke down. Giant defenders rushed in, and Luckman had to scramble, to dodge the tacklers before they could get to him. As he was running back and forth, trying to avoid these huge linemen, you suddenly heard a voice call out from the sidelines, "Sidney, let them have the ball. I'll buy you another one."
We can appreciate that. We want to protect our children not only from physical hurts but from emotional hurts as well.
And yet we realize that where there is no hurt, there is no growth. If you learn to roller skate, you're going to fall. If you learn to deal with people, you've got to learn to deal with criticism and sarcasm and demeaning behavior. We can't forever protect or shelter our children from life's darker side. There comes a time when, for the child's own good, we have to step back and let go.
CAN WE NOT SEE THAT GOD HAS THESE SAME DILEMMAS WITH US?
That is what our text is about. Jesus says in Luke's account, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who trust him." Luke has a tendency to spiritualize things. Matthew's account reads like this: "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good things to your children, how much more will your Father which is in heaven, give good things to those who ask Him!"
In other words, watching over us is One who is a loving parent. He knows our real needs. He will grant us anything in this world that is in our best interest. However, He knows what will make us stronger and what will ultimately weaken us. He knows the potential within us and He knows our breaking point. Most importantly, He knows what it will take to fit our souls for His Kingdom.
Sometimes His greatest gift is an unanswered prayer, because He sees what we cannot. Even though He does not like to see us hurt, any more than we like to see our children hurt, He cares even more for us than we care for them. And He knows what is in our best interest.
A story in Christian Worker's magazine tells about a young man who was trying to establish himself as a peach grower. He had worked hard and invested his all in a peach orchard which blossomed wonderfully -- until a frost came and killed all the blossoms. The young fellow did not go to church the next Sunday, nor the next, nor the next, nor the next. His pastor went to see him to inquire about his absence. The young fellow exclaimed with bitterness in his voice, "I'm never coming again. Do you think I can worship a God who cares for me so little that he would let a frost kill all my peaches?"
The old minister looked at him a few moments in silence, then said kindly, "God loves you better than He does your peaches. He knows that while peaches do better without frosts, it is impossible to grow the best people without (some adversity). His object is to grow people, not peaches."
There is a lot of sound theology there. God's intent is not to grow peaches. It is to grow people -- people whose hearts, minds and souls are fit to share eternity with Him. He knows it is at the broken places that we become strongest.
Our text, then, is about trust. It is about letting go of our resentments, our doubts, and our fears. It is about believing that there is never a storm so tumultuous that He cannot bring us safely through. That there is no night so dark that His light cannot penetrate it. That nothing is going to happen to us that by His grace we cannot handle. If you then, imperfect as you are as a parent, know how do give good things to your children, can't you trust God to provide you this day with the things you need?
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